Week 132: Give Us the Backs off Our Shirts.


Oh, shirt. It's that time again. We are redesigning our losers' T-shirt for the third time. Above is Bob Staake's new design for the front of the shirt. What should the shirt say on the back? Your goal is to somehow capture the spirit of the contest. First-prize winner gets a genuine antique felt bejeweled Shriner's fez, a value of $ 50. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 132, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via the Internet to this address: losersaccess.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the appropriate Week Number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Oct. 2. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & The Ear No One Reads thanks Elden Carnahan of Laurel for today's Ear No One Reads. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 129, in which you were asked to come up with new plots for old movie titles. 

But first, some unfinished business. Several months ago, we asked you for your ideas on a redesign of our mildly sought-after bumper stickers, which are awarded to honorable mentions. We have chosen several for printing:

Third Runner-Up: Who is The Czar and why does he hate me? (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Second Runner-Up: Peel paper backing from sticker. Do not lick back of sticker. Holding ends, carefully place on bumper of car. Rub to smooth. (Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, N.C.)

First Runner-Up: My Other Bumper Sticker Is Funny (Joseph Romm, Washington)

And the winner of the drinking ducks and plastic snot:

F2 2U2 (adapted from entries by Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, and Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Back to the movies:

Third Runner-Up: BOXING HELENA: Rocky Balboa's opponents just keep getting sillier. (J. Calvin Smith, Laurel)

Second Runner-Up: TORA! TORA! TORA!: The story of the Six-Day War. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

First Runner-Up: VIVA LAS VEGAS!: A documentary on Christo's project to drape an entire city in paper towels. (Timothy Morgen, Laurel)

And the winner of the leather Rolonda fanny pack and shirt:

SORRY, WRONG NUMBER: Independent filmmaker Michael Moore ("Roger & Me") asks many, many people to pick a number from 1 to 10. They all get it wrong and look foolish. (Sarah Worcester, Bowie)

Honorable Mentions:

ERASERHEAD: Lyle Lovett in concert. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

MISTER ROBERTS: Documentary; Lyle Lovett struggles to establish his own identity after divorce. (Timothy Morgen, Laurel)

DIE HARD: The Nelson Rockefeller Story (Sarah Worcester, Bowie)

THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN: Dr. Jack Kevorkian's film guide for persons too poor to use his services. (Matthew Cuba, Fredericksburg)

ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN: A documentary in which Bob Packwood, Clarence Thomas and Mel Reynolds explain how they get chicks. (Phil Plait, Silver Spring)

ALIEN NATION: A Republican propaganda film in which the United States does not heed Bob Dole's warnings, and now everyone speaks Urdu. (Phil Plait, Silver Spring)

THE CRYING GAME: Story of the recently widowed Anna Nicole Smith. (Mark Jeantheau, Germantown)

MORTAL KOMBAT: The National Spelling Bee turns ugly. (Stu Solomon, Springfield)

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER: What's it like to be the child of a world-famous celebrity? Just ask George Foreman, George Foreman, George Foreman and George Foreman. (Tommy Litz, Bowie)

A FAREWELL TO ARMS: Documentary on the criminal justice system in Saudi Arabia. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK: Produced with the NEA under Sen. Jesse Helms's rules, this orientation film for college freshmen deals forthrightly with questions such as why women have to wear tops and men don't, whether it is true that women urinate differently from men, where do babies come from, etc. (Paul A. Stone, Silver Spring)

TOTAL RECALL: The story of Yugo Motors Inc. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

GET OUT YOUR HANDKERCHIEFS: Sequel to "Pee-wee's Big Adventure." (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

1776: A week in the life of Wilt Chamberlain. (Jerry Pannullo, Chevy Chase)

M*A*S*H: The Bob Packwood Story. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Next Week: Nicely Stated